Video Blog 2

Video Blog 1

I Am Alice.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. “Which road do I take?” she asked. “Where do you want to go?” was his response. “I don’t know,” Alice answered. “Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter."


And so here I am. Again. I am Alice, alone on a path, with no idea where I want to go.


I'm starting a completely new life. My own life, alone. A new apartment, all to myself. A new life, all to myself.


Dorothy just wanted to go home. Perhaps I was too taken with the ruby red slippers, and now my home is gone.


I do not want this change, not because I am afraid of change, or being on my own. It's just hard to imagine a life without him in it.


In a few shorts days, a rental company will call me. I'll come in, I'll sign a lease. I'll move out of a home, a home that I helped build, a home that is no longer mine. I will try to make a new home, for myself, in a new place.


The White Rabbit was so concerned with time, always exclaiming that he was late. And so I am late, in seeing my faults, and far too late to fix what I watched disappear, oblivious, unaware, ignorant.


It will be a long time before I heal, because of the desperation I feel. I know that it is not attractive, but it is the way that I am. A very large chunk of my heart is gone, a chunk that I will never get back. I can only encourage my heart to grow, so that there is another chunk just as big to give to someone else, when the time comes.


I want to be someone spontaneous, romantic, hopelessly in love, easy-going. I used to be all of those things, but somewhere down the line I lost it, trying to be what I thought a "Mature" person was like.


Alice and Dorothy both found their way home, eventually. So it's my turn to take that adventure, following the yellow brick road, through the Mad Hatter's forest, until I can find my way home. Wherever that may be.

Stevie Nicks, I will always love you.

Dreams. 

Now there you go again

You say

You want your freedom

Well who am I to keep you down?

It's only right that you should 

play the way you feel it

But listen carefully to the sound

Of the loneliness

Like a heartbeat drives you

Mad

In the stillness of remembering

What you had.

And what you lost.

And what you had.

And what you lost.

Oh, thunder only happens when it's raining

Players only love you when they're playing

Say, women, they will come

and they will go

When the rain washes

You clean

You'll know

You'll know.

Now here I go again

I see

The crystal vision

I keep my visions to myself.

It's only me that wants to wrap around your dreams

and

Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?

Dreams of loneliness.

Like a heartbeat drives you

Mad

In the stillness of remembering

What you had.

And what you lost.

And what you had.

And what you lost.

Oh, thunder only happens when it's raining

Players only love you when they're playing

Women, they will come

and they will go

When the rain washes

You clean

You'll know

Oh, thunder only happens when it's raining

Players only love you when they're playing

Say, women, they will come

and they will go

When the rain washes

You clean

You'll know

You'll know.

You will know.

Oh, you'll know.